BILLY NOT REALLY (kinda rhymes, I guess?)
Nah I'm just drake and joshing you. I'm still gonna call myself Billy. Because Billy is my name.
HELLO. HOO HOO HOO. For my last and final swan song to end all swan songs, Christoph asked me (we're on a first-name basis, I call him "Christoph" because we're bros, but you can't because you're new to this thing) to tell you about how I met Shem.
It was weird actually. All this time I thought Christoph was making this Shem guy up. But then about five or eight days after I read the ending to Viceking's Graab this guy ran into me in the park. He looked all weird actually, with a walking stick he didn't need, with a chiselled face the origins of which are unknown to science, with a hat of the blackest shadows ever to be blacked out by the sun, and a pipe in his mouth that he was waving around with his hands like a gun, and he asked me if I wanted to go get some cheeky nandos with him and the boys. So I was like "fuck no what are you talking about, are you one of those cultists following the gay agenda or something, I am a happily married man with my girlfriend and I have plenty of food at my house already" not that I was inviting him over or anything "and like first of all where do you get off" not that I was asking about the details of how he gets off "trying to tell me what is and isn't cheeky, THIS IS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BUSTERBALLS DON'T YOU TRY AND TELL ME WHAT IS AND ISN'T ONE WORD AND ISN'T OR IS THE OTHER, I swear with my right hand to the high church of ender men from Minecraft that English is my preachy language and YOU HAD BETTER SPEAK IT WHEN TALKING TO ME. Don't kill me!" Then I crossed the street to walk on the other sidewalk and hurried on. I'm not being racist but that guy looked a little too Irish for my comfort.
Then when I met with Christoph and the guys the other day, back in the bar, being all manly and stuff, that's when he told me that Shem was only trying to ask me what time it was.
Shem and I don't really get along. He's a bit weird actually.
Anyway. I guess that's the last thing Christoph wanted me to write. Apparently that's.. the end of it for me? I'm nowhere else in the maze? I mean that's cool. I didn't want to be in it anyway. Actually I always hated the viceking y'know.
